Trying

Most of the time I say that I "try" but really, how hard do I try?

I try to keep my house in line, try to cook dinner every night, try to eat dinner together at the table every night, try to get up the first time the alarm goes off, try to be awesome at work, try to write in this blog, try to spend quality time with the kids and Craig, try to get the kids to bed on time, and try to do all kinds of things that working parents are supposed to do. But it's hard, and I find myself overwhelmed and frustrated because I can't do all of it all of the time. It can be quite "trying".

And then I thought, this must be how Chase feels.

We're always telling him what to do, when to do it, the "right" way to do it, not to do it, what to say, and all other kinds of things. A lot of the things we're telling him to do are not always in line with the way his mind works. But HE TRIES. That little boy tries hard to fit in with our lives and the norms of school and society. He tries to make friends. He tries to not melt down at school. He tries to write all of his letters when we ask, even though he breaks into tears if the first H he draws looks more like a 4. And he tries to be gentle, which is very hard for a kid that craves and needs heavy touch.

When I noticed that his preschool aide wrote a long entry in his daily journal yesterday, I was at first concerned because it was gym day. Gym day always gets a little crazy. Chase always want's to be first in line, whether walking, running, or waiting. And, also he has a new found interest in Karate. (Thank you Po.)

The kids went to different stations in the gym to do different activities. One of the kids in Chase's group is an adorable little girl with leg braces. She's a fragile little thing and I'm sure there's a consensus concern that he might hurt her by bumping into her to hard, hitting her with a ball, etc.

Chase's aide wrote in his journal that he was very gentle and kind to this little girl. He was actually watching out for her. He was telling other kids to be careful. She said she could visibly see him trying to stop his urges to push or bump into things and kids.

Funny thing is, without having read this entry yet, I was asking him how gym class was. He told me "You kick balls, you run, run kick more balls, and you be careful. I like it." When I asked him who he played with, he told me this little girl's name and then told me about her "super shoes" which I guessing are the leg braces. "His legs didn't bleed or get broke or have a 'dandaid'. He just has super shoes. You have to be gentle," he said as he signed "gentle". (We have a little trouble with He and She right now, if you noticed.)

I told him that I was proud that he was being careful, he smiled and said that this little girl is his best friend. He has three best friends these days, all girls.

He's trying to be gentle and sensitive because he's understanding (at least a little) that his actions affect other people. Even if it's the opposite of every urge he has.

Talk about trying. Wow. Maybe we all need to try just a little harder. If he can do it, we should be able to.