Labeling

So, having watched Autism: The Musical, I've been thinking that I haven't talked about how Chase is doing lately, when it was the original reason I started this Blog.

Chase has "high-functioning" autism. Right now his diagnosis is PDD-NOS, Pervasive Development Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified. Nice and descriptive, huh? But, the more he can communicate, I'm thinking that it is more like Asperger's. He really doesn't "get" the finer points of social interaction. Like how hard is too hard to hug, when it's appropriate to hug, kiss, etc. He also can seem aggressive because he doesn't understand this stuff.

I think that he's learning to function. I don't think he'll ever "get it" like neuro-typical children, but I think that he can learn how you're supposed to act and how you're not, but I think it'll be a struggle for him. He has to remember how interactions are supposed to work, because it doesn't come naturally to him.

Watching Autism: The Musical, I see children that do similar things to what Chase does, but they are older. I start wondering what they were like at 3. I think that I always think that they must have been "worse" than Chase, if they're now functioning like him. So, he'll be way better by the time he's their age? Right? That's logical, isn't it?

I just wish it will work out that way, but who knows? This whole autism rollercoaster is crazy. When you first find out, you suddenly "lose" the child you thought you had. Everything you have thought about his future is dead, or is it? While it's not a death sentence, everything in your world is different. My first thought when we got the diagnosis? "We're never going to be able to take him to Disney World or Cedar Point." Seriously. You see all the information about autism and apply all of it to your child, whether it really fits or not. At the same time, he's no different than he was yesterday. And, how much of it is his age, and how much is the autism? (BTW, we've been to Cedar Point and Disney World, both with wonderful results for everyone.)

I wish that everyone would watch that movie and see what kids, parents, and families go through. Maybe instead of people saying that he's overly aggressive, they'd understand that he can't help it and that all he's doing is trying to fit in and learn proper limits. Maybe people wouldn't stare at him standing at a table in a restaurant instead of sitting.

It's hard not to get protective. It's hard not to compare him to the other children with autism. It's hard not to resent other children who start stuff with him and then tattle on Chase when he reacts to them (Thank God for classroom video cameras.) It breaks my heart to see him try so hard to fit in and mix with the other children, and to have one of them say, "Why do you talk funny?" He understands that he's different, or at least he's treated differently. But he tries. How does a 3 year old know to try so hard?

No matter what the outcome of this whole thing, if there really ever is an "outcome", I'm glad that we've gone through it. I'm much more compassionate than I ever thought I could be. All of us have met so many strong and loving children, parents, and teachers.

And, I have a sweet, loving, smart, strong, brave boy who has taught me more than anyone I've ever known. I am truly blessed.